• Angelene Woodard

Be Honest with Yourself

Struggling with homeschooling was nothing new.

Except for our inaugural year, (aka: the honeymoon phase) my days were filled with overflowing stress, frustration, and a solid dose of anxiety.

Why is this so hard?

Do other mamas struggle this much?

When do the warm, fuzzy feelings return?

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I hate homeschooling.

These toxic thoughts and feelings dominated my days. And I felt guilty.

I tried to smile and grimace through. I tried everything from giving myself sweet little pep talks to harshly scolding myself. I tried crying, whining, and complaining. Yep, I prayed about it too.

The truth? Homeschooling was kicking my butt.

I wrestled with this truth for a few years.

It didn’t settle well within my heart and soul.

I mean, who wants to admit they stink at something God has called them to do?

Not me! I sure didn’t want that to be my reality.

So, I suffered through. The saying fake it till you make it was my motto. And it wasn’t working. I faked it with the best of them. I never made it anywhere.

However, I was well on my way to a little town called Crazyville.

To make a long story short, the Lord graciously and mercifully intervened. He gave me relief. He soothed the heartache caused by chronic self-doubt, second-guessing myself, and trying harder harder harder.

Our homeschool situation did not change. But, my heart did.

He changed my heart.

Thus, He changed it all.

But He never could have done this if I hadn’t given up and begged for His help.

I never would have given up and begged for His help if I didn’t think I needed it.

I never would have known I needed it if I kept on faking it.

The first step to inviting Jesus all up in your business is being honest with yourself.

Being honest with ourselves is tough though. Here are a few ways to make it a little more bearable.

1. Search your heart to pin-point the struggle. Your struggle may be torturing you and is easily identifiable. However, your struggle may be nothing more than a constant inconvenience laying just below the surface. Take the time to figure it out.

2. Whisper it to yourself. There’s no need to make a big public declaration. Just decide in your heart what limitation/weakness/inadequacy/unqualification is troubling you. Acknowledge it to be true. Quietly.

3. Do not pass judgement. This is crucial. Telling yourself how pathetic and/or pitiful you are is not beneficial. Rating your deficiencies on a scale of one to ten is not necessary. Go easy on yourself. Be nice. Simply acknowledge the thorn in your flesh.

4. Don’t go looking for answer and/or solutions. Not yet. Just secretly pray about this situation with the Lord. Keep it between you and Him until He leads you to the next step.

Please know the Lord Almighty wants to intervene. He wants to save the day. He wants to help us out. But we need to know we need help before He can do this.

A good start is being honest with ourselves.

Angelene Woodard is a wife, mother, writer, and reluctant homeschooler who blogs about her frustrations and victories at www.unqualifiedmom.com where she encourages fellow Christians to embrace their weakness and accept God's strength.

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